She's a Walkin' Girl

"The loving mother teaches the child to walk alone. She is far enough from him so that she cannot actually support him, but she holds out her arms to him. She imitates his movements, as if he totters, she swiftly bends as if to seize him, so that the child might believe he is not walking alone....And yet, she does more. Her face beckons like a reward, an encouragement. Thus, the child walks alone with his eyes fixed on his mother's face, not on the difficulties in his way. He supports himself by the arms that do not hold him and constantly strives towards the refuge in his mother's embrace, little suspecting that in the very same moment that he is emphasizing his need for her, he is proving that he can do without her, because he is walking alone." (Kierkegaard, 1983)

So last night was rough for me. It finally hit me that my baby is not really a baby anymore. Since the beginning, I have been a provider for her. She cries and I run to her aid. I am familiar with the sounds of her being hungry, tired, or needing a change. And I was able to soothe her by taking care of those simple acts. She is now developing her own self apart from me. Selfishness, boredom, impatience, curiousity, and testing her limits (as I know she will continue to do the rest of her life). I read this snip from a book and just lost it. I am so proud of her and excited about all that she is learning, but it is hard for me to let go of that baby that I enjoyed so much. My husband said "A baby couldn't wrap her arms around you and kiss you like Luna does... thats a good thing." It's bittersweet.

Today while I was making dinner in the kitchen, Gerald and Luna were waiting in the dining room. All of the sudden Luna lets go of a chair and walks about 8 steps toward the kitchen! After that, she was walking all over the living room. Not just a couple steps at a time, but from one side to the other, turning and everything! Granted, there were a couple uneasy stumbles, but she got right back up! About 2 weeks ago, she attempted 3 steps toward me but we hadn't seen anything more until today. I think she was studying until she knew she could perfect it the first time. Impressive!

This was toward the end of the night and she was getting tired. My little baby turning into a big girl. *Sniffle*

Beauty and the beast

Green, the color of growth. The color of renewal. Spring!

We went to TC today for Gerald's EMT test and we will find out the results hopefully by Tuesday. We took M31 the whole way and it was absolutely gorgeous. Driving along the coast through blooming cherry orchards, sun shining brightly. You don't get many days like that in Michigan. But you sure appreciate them when it happens! We rolled the windows down and enjoyed the warm breeze. It's really been a nice week. Sunny almost every day and in the 60's!

Luna was pretty good the entire trip considering she was strapped in a car seat for over 6 hours today. She read her books and ate her box of raisins and played with her toes. But since we have come back from our night away from her, she has really begun to show a temper when she wants something. At first I thought she was acting out because we left her with her grandparents for the first time at night and she was angry with us. But now I believe she is just trying to find her "voice" and how to let us know what she wants and by screaming (piercing screams) she finds it gets our attention real quick. Not cool, especially in a restaurant. Gerald and I, being first time parents, are really at a loss on how to handle this. My first reaction was to cover her mouth with my hand, but that gave some raised eyebrows (even from my husband) plus that won't be effective in the long run. We haven't discussed the issue of spanking yet because we thought it was too early. Gerald says we should take something she wants away from her but I think that she'll just cause even more of a fuss. I definately think when something like that happens in public we should remove her to a private place or take her outside. Not that I'm embarrassed, but just out of respect to the other people who are trying to enjoy their meals. I just don't know if she would understand enough for us to remove her and discipline her later. She's only 14 months old. But that just shows our lack of knowledge on the toddler stage. We're learning as we go.

I am a big fan of yard sales- one of those people that will park in front of your house on a Saturday morning at 7:45 for an 8am sale. Unfortunately there were none today that interested me much on the way downstate, but I was able to stop by a Resale shop that had a wonderful selection of books. I bought half a dozen to add to my collection- "The Vaccine Book" by Dr. Sears is a great reference if you feeling uneasy about the dozens of shots your baby gets before he/she even reaches their first birthday. (there is a good reason you should feel uneasy!- but I'll leave that for another post). Also, "The Baby Whisperer" is an interesting read. There are so many hundreds of "How To" books on raising children- I enjoy reading them but I don't think parents listen to their instincts enough. Advice is great, but don't let it override what you feel is right for your own child. You know them best!

I almost bought a baby carrier for a bicycle today. I haven't ridden a bike in a while and I'm out of shape, but I thought it would be fun to take Luna around on it. I really enjoy our baby backpack for hiking- we just upgraded to a better brand (luxury!) by lue of a good yard sale find. (same with our jogging stroller!) It's so much better on my back. I really need to get back into shape. Now with the weather getting warmer and Luna getting older, I don't have to hibernate in the house like I've been. Plus I'm picking up a few shifts down at the Grille and all that running around waiting tables really helps. I'm also looking forward to having a little more cash on hand. :)

Writing really helps soothe the soul. Ahh......

This is a start...

I was planning on some big introduction, but you know, I don't really have time for that. I will hopefully have a moment or two to write a few thoughts during the day, but I am constantly chasing a one-year old little girl around the house. We currently don't have internet at our place so I use my parents house (we live in the rental behind their place) and one of their many computers. They have stairs and Luna seems to be obsessed with climbing them. Usually she'll wait at the bottom of the stairs and call up them, seeming to enjoy her own echo. They are hardwood floors and very steep so I'm glad she doesn't just take off and even more grateful she hasn't fallen down them yet. (knock on those wooden floors) We haven't found a good way of preventing her other than constantly moving her away from them. It wears on you.

Doesn't she look innocent?

Tomorrow my husband Gerald takes his national registry for his EMT certification. We have to travel 2 1/2 hours away for him to take an hour long test. He's supposed to be studying but has found a "rare" bird for this part of the region and is all excited. He has become quite the birdwatcher. I'm glad his interests have accommodated our more rural lifestyle. Granted, we live in a small city, but it is a far cry away from Grand Rapids. We used to go out to pubs and shoot darts, do karaoke, play cards, hang out with friends... but those are few and far between here. Well, at least finding good company for such activities. But there are other benefits, such as camping, fishing, boating, nature hikes, and having family nearby. Sometimes we just miss more people our own age.

Our wonderful cabin dock at night

I swear, everyone I know is pregnant right now. Ok, not everyone, but somedays it sure seems like it!! I literally found out 3 friends of mine were pregnant today. Babies seem to be everywhere! I think my motherly instincts are screaming at me that I want another one. I feel almost in a race where I'm hoping I get to be the next one to have an announcement. I guess its because the friends that are pregnant are the ones I was pregnant with when I had Luna. It's funny, right after I had Luna, the nurses and doctors were pressing to begin birth control right away, as if I would become pregnant the next day. I decided against it, for one, because I was breastfeeding and also because we figure "when it happens it will happen". But they put such a scare into you as if you're going to just start popping babies out immediately after you give birth. If you ask me, the whole pregnancy/birth situations have gotten way too medical anyway. It's a natural development and process and women since the beginning of time have been able to have children without all these technicalities. I really enjoyed my pregnancy and look forward to the next one, whenever that may be.
Gerald and I - 8 months pregnant with Luna

Well, I think that was enough for one evening. I could probably keep going. My mind is constantly turning. I wrote in a journal for a while after Luna was born, but my hand would cramp with how much I wrote and it got a little frustrating. Typing is much easier. Whether I keep this blog up is yet to be determined, but its nice to write again.

Until next time.